It hurts.

It suddenly happened and it hurts a lot. There is nothing he can compare to, except that this kind of pain had never invaded his heart in his whole life. It bothered him to death and he was about to do insane things. There was no one who could stop him, anyway. The only one who could is gone and this fact just made him even more upset. He wanted to be stopped by him. He wanted him back. But there is no way... He was gone.

17 days ago

Myungsoo took Sungyeol's hand and ran away to the park, not caring about the rehearsal for a presentation they had in the next week. He knew his part already and was sure that Sungyeol knew his part too because they had studied together.They were running together while laughing and Myungsoo realized that this memory would last as one of the moments they had together. He was happy and was sure that Sungyeol was happy too, just because he wouldn't stop smiling at him. Myungsoo took off his blaser and threw it on the ground near them and Sungyeol did the same. After that, Myungsoo turned around to meet his lover's eyes but didn't even have time to take a glance at them because they were too near and it hurted his eyes when he forced to look at something so close to his, so he closed them immediately. Then he felt his warm lips on his own, moving as gentle as a petal being moved by the wind while tickling his lips. The feeling was good and it didn't seem wrong. He started to respond without any regrets and took his lover's waist with his left hand as the other crawled into his hair and stroked it a little. It was like this, gentle and loving. It didn't need to be rough. Sungyeol bit his lover's lower lip before letting it go and finally touched his forehead with his own and took a deep breath.

"It's a start..." Sungyeol whispered.

Myungsoo smiled and nodded. "I don't want it to end, though..."

"It won't. I promise." He said before pecking his lover's lips.

–

He promised it would last forever. He promised that. But he was gone and there was nothing he could do about it. It was all too fast and it drove him crazy everytime his brain decided to play his memories like a movie in his head, and that was every second. And he couldn't take it anymore, he had to do something about it. Even if it costs his life. It didn't matter anymore. If he was gone, then what's the point of living? There is no one like him and he wouldn't come back even if he used magic.

24 days ago.

"Sungyeol, you can hurt yourself!" Myungsoo screamed.

He was worried. Sungyeol was about to jump into a river without protection and there was some rocks by the shore. If he didn't do it the proper way, he could land on the rocks and die. It was a 50/50 chance for anything to happen.

"What is life if you don't live it, Myungsoo?" He screamed back and smiled.

Myungsoo knew that he was the adventurous type the moment he got out of the car to enjoy their week off at an island. There was just the two of them and that's the way they liked. Myungsoo tried to smile, but when he saw Sungyeol jumping, he had to make sure he wouldn't land on the rocks. So he ran to the edge of the bridge to look at that boy swiming and laughing while calling for the other's name. That moment he was sure that anytime he called him, he would just give up on what he was doing to go wherever Sungyeol was.

"Come on, Myungsoo! The water is really good!" He screamed.

Myungsoo took off his shirt and jumped awkwardly into the water, meeting a freezing temperature instead of warm. He almost drown when he felt his body trembling, but gave a shit about that and started swimming also awkwardly, trying to be fast to catch Sungyeol and make him pay for the lie he just told him. But he couldn't. When he reached the taller boy, he saw him smiling and the sparkling eyes glued to him. It made him weak and his legs gave in for a second before he remembered to swing them to keep him from drowning.

"What?" Sungyeol asked suddenly.

Myungsoo tried to get his senses back and instead of sink his head into the water, he just spreaded water to his face and earned a laugh.

"You're weird, Myungsoo."

Silence. His face blushed.

"But I like weird people."

–

He wished to hear his voice again. Hear him calling, begging for his presence. But he knew he wouldn't hear it. And if he heard, then he knew he was going insane. While walking slowly through each rung of the ladder, he thought about what he said once."What is life if you don't live it?" Myungsoo tried to get his senses together, tried to create some corage to live without his beloved, but it seemed impossible. What is life without the one you love? And he was sure that what he had with Sungyeol was love. There was no reason why he had to keep on living. Sungyeol wouldn't want that... Right? Sungyeol would want him for himself, not with some other stranger... Right?

13 days ago

He was sure that something was wrong. Myungsoo isn't the extroverted type and there he was, talking to a strange woman. Sungyeol held his heart and told himself that it wasn't nothing, but the way she was looking at him and the fact that she's a woman... It bothered him. Women are sexy. They have this natural seductive aura around them and it made Sungyeol unsure about the situation. He was cute, adorable, sexy when he wanted and loving, that he was sure. But still...

"Yeolie? Are you okay?" Myungsoo's voice suddenly popped on Sungyeol's right.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well... You seemed sad." Myungsoo pouted and his lover just smiled at the cute act.

"I'm not sad, babo. I'm the happiest person alive!"

Myungsoo took the advantage of the situation and leaned a little closer, just inches from his lover's lips.

"And you seemed jealous too."

"What?!" He dropped his head back with surprise in his eyes, when he knew that what Myungsoo just told him was true. "Soo-ah, you need to see this madness of yours, you know..." Sungyeol wrapped his right arm around his lover's neck and started walking slowly. "There is a lot of psicologists in the area. It's not as expensive and I could help you with the money..."

Sungyeol bursted in laughter when Myungsoo pushed him away and yelled somethings he couldn't understand. Although he was pissed because his lover just joked about this "madness" he always talks about, there was no way he could ignore the laughter that was stuck in his throat and joined him, making this moment even more funny.

"I was jealous, though." Sungyeol suddenly admited, making Myungsoo look at him surprised. "Yeah... I don't like seeing you with other people... I mean, you were too close..."

"You're just too cute! Oh my God!"

Myungsoo pulled Sungyeol into a kiss, where only him leaded with his lips dancing on his lover's slowly and gentle. Crawled his hand into his hair and stroke it softly, bringing it back to his cheek to pass the tip of his fingers lightly on the skin, making Sungyeol shiver a little.

"Don't be jealous. I promise that I won't love anyone but you." He whispered.

"Never?"

"Never."

"Then I promise too."

–

His tears were endlessly falling out of his eyes, as much as his heart ached from the memories that were playing in his head while he was climbing up the stairs. Every step was even harder to make, and he still had five more floors to go. The elevator was broken, but he gave a shit. He would climb everything. It was the least he could do after all. He would die, anyway. And then, he started thinking: why do people live happily? Why do they attach to something or someone? Human being are just stupid. They forget the fact that they will die anyway. It doesn't change no matter how many times you escape from death. It will always haunt you, waiting patiently for your time to come, or even for you to give up on life, just like what he was doing now. And it didn't change anything if he step forward and say that he wasn't going to be beated by death's taste like that. It would come sooner or later. He will be beated by that, just like every living thing in this damn world.

After a long reflection about life, Myungsoo found himself on the last floor, and he just had a few more steps to go. Then he heard. It was soft, gentle, and loving. As if it was whispering his name. As if it was calling for him. It was a familiar voice and he realized it was Sungyeol's voice. He was already tired because when depression came, he turned out a little sedentary, but now he gave a shit. He didn't care if he was going mad or if he was dreaming, he just had to reach his voice, just like he said he would do it. Myungsoo gathered all his strength and climbed the steps as fast as he could. The terrace door flew open when he reached it, just to find a figure at the edge, being apart from the fall just by a handrail that surrounded all the area. Just as protection.

He was looking down the street and a glow seemed to be around his body, just like an angel. Sungyeol was an angel... At least for now, thought the latter. He approached the handrail and joined his lover's ghost at staring down the street. He looked at the people walking and felt pity for them. They would die anyway. Why go to work? Why learn things? Why born? He suddenly felt Sungyeol's hand on his cheek, caressing it softly. He couldn't hold the tears so he sobbed hard, searching for his lover's arms but it was impossible to reach.

"It's okay." He whispered.

"Can you come back to me?"

Sungyeol shook his head and the latter couldn't help but burst in tears again. But no matter how hard he sobbed or how many tears he let go, Sungyeol was always smiling brightly.

"Do you want to stay?" He whispered again.

Myungsoo shook his head and tried to control his tears. Sungyeol just looked at the street again, smiling even wider, geting his lover confused for one second, but then he understood what he wanted. And he wanted it too.

"Then I will wait here, for you."